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complex
Posted on 2012.09.27 at 10:06
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: my daughter watching Tweety
Hello livejournal.
I cant believe how long I have had this journal.
Im 23 now, with two beautiful children..
I never went to college. I work at Wal-Mart , I have a 1bdrm. apartment that my stepmom helps me pay for.
I'm back to say that , after so many years, Drew and I are
.. yep! back together!
We have been back together again since February.
There is no doubt in my mind that he is and has always been the one, my soulmate, the love of my life. I believe that fate pulled us apart to go through experiences and learn more of love and heartbreak, and then it brought us back together when we were ready for eachother. As angry as I used to get with him, it was nothing compared to what i've been through in the past 5 years. He is perfect.
I am happy..
and the world is starting to look like a beautiful place .
:]

"oh, she says she's alone
but she knows she's in love"


"But I'll be fine
Oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine
See I'm in a hurry to be
Gone away awhile

Tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life
Man cause I just don't know "


"I told you when you asked;
I knew this wouldn't last.
At least I could be honest about that.
& now you're telling everyone how I only did you wrong,
I guess you never knew me at all."

"21 and invincible
Can't wait to screw this up "

"i'm not your anchor, so don't hold on.
i'm not the answer, you've got me wrong.
i'm not your savior, save your energy,
to find out who you are,
who you are without me."

"This could be my chance to break out.
This could be my chance to say goodbye.
At last it's finally over; couldn't take this town much longer."

complex
Posted on 2010.05.28 at 17:17
I am going to come here because it is my only safe place, the only place i have to ward off from wandering eyes .. at least familiar wandering eyes. No one thinks I use my livejournal anymore so what better place than here. I am so tired of my life being like this. I want to be happy.. but it isn't happening..
No matter how I appear to other people with my reactions to situations, the real reactions are never shown. And my reactions to the most recent events is that.. i believe that I no longer believe in love. I can say it, but i'm unsure as to if I really mean it. The only people I think i truly can say the word love to and mean it with all of my heart are my daughter, my mom, my dad, my sister, and my brother.. at the moment i really do believe I need to be single. I don't feel the want to be in a relationship... it's not what I need... it's not what i crave.. but it's so hard to accomplish the things that you truly want if you have a fear of hurting others..
I feel like i don't want anyone to touch me.. or be near me.. or even try to say anything to me about love or relationships.. it makes me irritated..
i will finish this later..

complex

omgwtfelizabeth'sonlj?!?

Posted on 2010.05.28 at 16:31
hello my old livejournal. i have forgotten about you. it's been a while.

complex
Posted on 2007.08.25 at 10:48
i'm just exhausting myself.
I want so badly to make this work.
He loves me. I know he does. why cant he see how much i love him?
I try so hard.. just to hear hurtful words that rip me apart..
am i meant to fail?
lately i feel like i wasn't meant to live..


complex

sad conculsion.

Posted on 2007.07.20 at 17:10
all guys are the same and i'll never be completely happy...

complex
Posted on 2006.12.25 at 12:41
im reading a great book. it's called Smack. it's great.

"I was getting so wound up, I just wanted to dive into those busy streets and disappear like a little fish."
-p.60

"Sometimes maybe you need an experience. the experience can be a person or it can be a drug. The experience opens a door that was there all the time but you never saw it. Or maybe it blasts you into outer space."
-p.132

"This girl-nothing mattered to her. All the rules, all the things you do do and don't do, the manners, everything- she had none of that. If she didn't like it she just didn't do it. If she did it, it was good. she didn't have to say please or thankyou. She didn't have to be offered anything; it was already hers. she was more herself than anyone else ever was--"
p 104

"im flying, but alot of people end up dead inside. You can't tell to look at them but as soon as they open their mouths you know they've lost it. they got murdered by life."
-p139

"I've done everything. All of it. You think it, I've done it. All the things you never dared, all thethings you dream about, all the things you were curious about and then forgot because you knew you never wold. I did 'em, I did 'em yesterday while you were still in bed."
-p 138

I realized.. I havn't posted an entry in a really long time..
so here i am..
it's 3:25 AM and yes i have school tomorrow.
I just can't sleep..
Drew and I are .. over. He broke up with me.. again..
he ended up with another girl a week later .. again..
he ended up saying he was sorry and wanted to work things out again .. again..
I said no.
I'm not putting myself through that painful cycle again.

I could say.. very many horrible things right now about him.
But he's not even worth that.

I've been in this state of "what's the point"
I mean. I'm not like super-depressed about it or anything, I saw it coming
and I knew if he didn't do it I would have. He's just so... err.

So.. I can't go to SCAD.. it's too expensive.
maybe I could figure something out but.. I don't know.
That's the only college I wanted to go to. And.. I can't go. so.. what now..
I really don't want to go anywhere else. but I guess i have to?
I just don't feel the motivation to anymore. Yeah i'm ready to hurry up and
graduate. But.. going to college and getting a job just doesn't appeal to me.
I do want to do all that, I need a job now. But I just really dont feel like
there's a real point to it anymore.
To anything. I mean.. I am happy. I am soooo happy.
I'd tell you about it but.. there's alot of people that I havn't told.. about
partly why i'm so happy. And I don't want them to go reading this and be all like
"wtf. why didn't you tell me" and get all pissed off..
I've just been fed up with everything lately.
everything.
I just want to relax. and the last thing i need right now is Drew trying to tell
me i'm ruining my life.. wtf. how is my life and what i do with it any of his concern
right now. It's not. I have a lifestyle now.. that .. yeah alot of people would say
well.. "that's not the right track to be on" well. you know what. fuck you.

I am 17. I have spent my whole life [eh. almost] trying to keep away from things that aren't
good for me. or things i should just "say no" to. Fuck that. I'm going to do whatever I want.
It's like many adults have told me lately, have fun while you're young. because getting older
sucks. and you can't do everything you could do when you were younger, and still have fun doing it.

Yeah.. also.. my thanksgiving.. I don't know..
Immagine being in a room. where everyone is smiling and laughing. and there's lots of food
.. but you're not hungry, you really don't want to eat, and all of the happiness makes you
feel kindof disgusted..

I don't know.. I just.. don't feel like being a part of any of that..
It's not my happiness to share.. I don't want to share it anyway.

I've just been spending alot of time with friends lately. mostly amanda and danielle
and it's great..
i'm tired.. but i really dont want to go to sleep..
i really dont...
i think i'll make my hair blonde next month..
oooh it feels so good to not be so tied down. and controlled.
now i can get my lip pierced again. since drew never wanted me to.
and i can do whatever i want with my hair. cliff wants me to get my lip pierced ^-^
it feels so great. i used to be held back from ,it seems like, everything.
but.. i need a job..
bleh..
















I realized.. I havn't posted an entry in a really long time..
so here i am..
it's 3:25 AM and yes i have school tomorrow.
I just can't sleep..
Drew and I are .. over. He broke up with me.. again..
he ended up with another girl a week later .. again..
he ended up saying he was sorry and wanted to work things out again .. again..
I said no.
I'm not putting myself through that painful cycle again.

I could say.. very many horrible things right now about him.
But he's not even worth that.

I've been in this state of "what's the point"
I mean. I'm not like super-depressed about it or anything, I saw it coming
and I knew if he didn't do it I would have. He's just so... err.

So.. I can't go to SCAD.. it's too expensive.
maybe I could figure something out but.. I don't know.
That's the only college I wanted to go to. And.. I can't go. so.. what now..
I really don't want to go anywhere else. but I guess i have to?
I just don't feel the motivation to anymore. Yeah i'm ready to hurry up and
graduate. But.. going to college and getting a job just doesn't appeal to me.
I do want to do all that, I need a job now. But I just really dont feel like
there's a real point to it anymore.
To anything. I mean.. I am happy. I am soooo happy.
I'd tell you about it but.. there's alot of people that I havn't told.. about
partly why i'm so happy. And I don't want them to go reading this and be all like
"wtf. why didn't you tell me" and get all pissed off..
I've just been fed up with everything lately.
everything.
I just want to relax. and the last thing i need right now is Drew trying to tell
me i'm ruining my life.. wtf. how is my life and what i do with it any of his concern
right now. It's not. I have a lifestyle now.. that .. yeah alot of people would say
well.. "that's not the right track to be on" well. you know what. fuck you.

I am 17. I have spent my whole life [eh. almost] trying to keep away from things that aren't
good for me. or things i should just "say no" to. Fuck that. I'm going to do whatever I want.
It's like many adults have told me lately, have fun while you're young. because getting older
sucks. and you can't do everything you could do when you were younger, and still have fun doing it.

Yeah.. also.. my thanksgiving.. I don't know..
Immagine being in a room. where everyone is smiling and laughing. and there's lots of food
.. but you're not hungry, you really don't want to eat, and all of the happiness makes you
feel kindof disgusted..

I don't know.. I just.. don't feel like being a part of any of that..
It's not my happiness to share.. I don't want to share it anyway.

I've just been spending alot of time with friends lately. mostly amanda and danielle
and it's great..
i'm tired.. but i really dont want to go to sleep..
i really dont...
i think i'll make my hair blonde next month..
oooh it feels so good to not be so tied down. and controlled.
now i can get my lip pierced again. since drew never wanted me to.
and i can do whatever i want with my hair. cliff wants me to get my lip pierced ^-^
it feels so great. i used to be held back from ,it seems like, everything.
but.. i need a job..
bleh..







[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xhellokittyxd/j5.jpg">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

I realized.. I havn't posted an entry in a really long time..
so here i am..
it's 3:25 AM and yes i have school tomorrow.
I just can't sleep..
Drew and I are .. over. He broke up with me.. again..
he ended up with another girl a week later .. again..
he ended up saying he was sorry and wanted to work things out again .. again..
I said no.
I'm not putting myself through that painful cycle again.

I could say.. very many horrible things right now about him.
But he's not even worth that.

I've been in this state of "what's the point"
I mean. I'm not like super-depressed about it or anything, I saw it coming
and I knew if he didn't do it I would have. He's just so... err.

So.. I can't go to SCAD.. it's too expensive.
maybe I could figure something out but.. I don't know.
That's the only college I wanted to go to. And.. I can't go. so.. what now..
I really don't want to go anywhere else. but I guess i have to?
I just don't feel the motivation to anymore. Yeah i'm ready to hurry up and
graduate. But.. going to college and getting a job just doesn't appeal to me.
I do want to do all that, I need a job now. But I just really dont feel like
there's a real point to it anymore.
To anything. I mean.. I am happy. I am soooo happy.
I'd tell you about it but.. there's alot of people that I havn't told.. about
partly why i'm so happy. And I don't want them to go reading this and be all like
"wtf. why didn't you tell me" and get all pissed off..
I've just been fed up with everything lately.
everything.
I just want to relax. and the last thing i need right now is Drew trying to tell
me i'm ruining my life.. wtf. how is my life and what i do with it any of his concern
right now. It's not. I have a lifestyle now.. that .. yeah alot of people would say
well.. "that's not the right track to be on" well. you know what. fuck you.

I am 17. I have spent my whole life [eh. almost] trying to keep away from things that aren't
good for me. or things i should just "say no" to. Fuck that. I'm going to do whatever I want.
It's like many adults have told me lately, have fun while you're young. because getting older
sucks. and you can't do everything you could do when you were younger, and still have fun doing it.

Yeah.. also.. my thanksgiving.. I don't know..
Immagine being in a room. where everyone is smiling and laughing. and there's lots of food
.. but you're not hungry, you really don't want to eat, and all of the happiness makes you
feel kindof disgusted..

I don't know.. I just.. don't feel like being a part of any of that..
It's not my happiness to share.. I don't want to share it anyway.

I've just been spending alot of time with friends lately. mostly amanda and danielle
and it's great..
i'm tired.. but i really dont want to go to sleep..
i really dont...
i think i'll make my hair blonde next month..
oooh it feels so good to not be so tied down. and controlled.
now i can get my lip pierced again. since drew never wanted me to.
and i can do whatever i want with my hair. cliff wants me to get my lip pierced ^-^
it feels so great. i used to be held back from ,it seems like, everything.
but.. i need a job..
bleh..






<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j11.jpg" />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j4.jpg />

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j5.jpg" />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j3.jpg />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j1.jpg />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j2.jpg />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j7.jpg />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j13.jpg />
<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/xHelloKittyXD/j14.jpg />

A Global Threat - Until We Die

A static Lullaby- The shooting star that destroyed us all

A Thorn For Every Heart - Pretty When You Cry
- Rain On her parade
- Things Aren't So Beautiful Now

Adema- Giving In

AFI - Miss Murder
- Of Greetings and Goodbyes
- The Last Kiss

AfroMan - But Then I Got High

Alanis Morisette - Hand In My Pocket
- I am a bitch i'm a lover

Alexz Johnson - Skin

Alkaline Trio- This Is Getting Over You
- Clavical
- Fatally Yours
- Good Fucking Bye
- Goodbye Forever
- I Lied My Face Off
- Queen Of Pain
-Radio
- Stupid Kid
- Trouble Breathing

Angelic Upstarts - Teenage Warning

Amber Pacific - Gone So Young

Anna Nalick - Just Breathe

Armor For Sleep - Kind of Perfect
- Car Underwater

Ash - A Life Less Ordinary

At The Drive In - Sleepwalk Capsules

Atreyu - Lipgloss and Black
- This Flesh Is a Tomb

Black Eyed Peas- My Humps

Beach Boys - God Only Knows What I'd be Without You
- Wouldn't it be Nice

Beatles - It's getting better all the time
- Hey Jude

Ben Folds Five - The Luckiest

Blink 182 - Adam's Song

Bloodhound Gang - Pacman on Crack

Bob Marley - Everything will be alright

Box Car Racer- There Is

Brand New - The boy who blocked his own shot
- Mix Tape
- Sic Transit Gloria Glory Fades
- The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Breaking Benjamin - Forever

Bright Eyes - A perfect Sonnet
- For You
- I Won't ever be happy again
- Lover I don't have to love
- No Lies, Just love

Butch Walker - Don't Move
- Into the Black
- Lights Out
- Mix Tape
- Promise

Cake - Comfort Eagle

Cheryl Crow- If It Makes You Happy

CKY - 96 Quiet Bitter Beings

Collective Soul - Better Now
- Burning Bridges
- December
- Happiness
- Heaven's already here
- I think I love you
- In a moment
- Perfect Day
- Shine
- The World I Know

Counting Crows - Black and Blue

Crazy Frog - Axel F

Cursive - Art Is Hard
- Bloody Murderer
- Sink To The Beat

Custom - Hey Mister


Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine

Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down

Death By Stereo - Forever And A Day

Dresden Dolls- Bad Habit

Evergreen Terrace- Mad World
- Sunday Bloody Sunday
- Enjoy The Silence
- Failure Of A Friend
- The Kids Aren't Alright
- Zero

Everlast - Black Jesus
- What It's Like

Emery - Disguising Mistakes With Goodbyes
- Playing With Fire
- The Ponytail Parade
- The Secret
- To whom It May Concern
- Under Serios Attack
- By All Accounts
- Studying Politics

Eric Clapton - Layla

Wakefield - Wild One

Everclear - Breakfast At Tiffany's
- Everything is Woderful Now
- I will Buy You A New Life
- Learning How To Smile
- Santa Monica
- Watch The World Die
- Beautiful Oblivion

Fall Out Boy - Dance Dance
- Sugar We're Going Down

Finch - Letters To You

Freezepop- Duct tape
- Plastic Stars

From Autumn to Ashes - Chloroform Perfume
- Short Stories with Tragic Endings
- Autumns Monologue
- Reflections
- The Fiction We Live

Goo Goo Dolls- Iris

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

Graham Colton Band - Don't give up on me
- First Week
- How Low
- Killing Me
- Runaway
- Since you broke it
- Get to you

Green day - American Idiot
- Paranoia
- You Lied
- Closing Time
- Holiday
- Paranoid

Happy 2b hardcore- 99 red balloons

Haste the Day - American Love
- An honest confession
- bleed alone
- breaking my own heart
- for a lifetime
- one life to live
- song of faith
- closest thing to clsure
- when everything falls
- who we are

Hidden In PLain View - An American Classic
- Bleed for you
- Shamans witches magic
- goodnight kiss

HIM - Beyond Redemption

Harry and the Potters - Save Ginny Weasley

Head Automatica- The Razor

Hellogoodbye- Call and return

Her Space Holiday - Tech Romance

Hoobastank - What Happened to Us
- Escape
- The Reason

Hot Rod Circuit - Now or Never
- Save You

Hot Hot Heat - Middle of Nowhere

Jack Johnson - Do You Remember
- Constellations
- Banana Pancakes
- Better Together
- Fortunate Fool
- It's all understood
- mudfootball
- cupid
- sitting waiting wishing

Jack Off Jill - American Made
- Angels fuck, devils kiss
- I touch myself
- lollirot
- losing his touch
- nazi halo
- star no star
- strawberry gashes
- vivica
- when i am queen

Jet - Cold Hard Bitch
- Look What You've Done

Jimmies chicken shack - do right

Joseph Arthur - You're so True

Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes

Led Zepplin - House Of the Rising Sun
- Magic Carpet Ride
- Stairway to heaven
- tangerine

Lit - Miserable
- My Own Worst Enemy

Loving Spoonful - Do you believe in magic
- did you ever have to make up your mind
- happy together

Mae - Soundtrack For Our Movie
- We're So Far Away
- Goodbye, Goodnight

Marcy Playground - Sex and candy

Mazzy Star - Fade into you

Meatloaf - i would do anything for love

Matchbook Romance - Monsters

Metallica - Fade to Black

Mewithoutyou - everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

Minus the Bear - Money!!! Knife!!! Fight!!!

Motion City Soundtrack - Everything is Alright
- Better open the door
- the future freaks me out
- throw down

Natasha Beddingfield- These Words

Orgy - Stitches

Otep - Autopsy song
- blood pigs
- buried alive
- god is a gun
- Hooks and Splinters
- House of Secrets
- My Confession
- nein
- suicide trees

Papa Roach - Last Resort
- time and time again

Pink Floyd - Another Brick in the wall

Poison the well - parks and what you meant to me

Reel Big Fish - Good thing

Rehab - it don't matter

Our Lady Peace - Life

Reggie and the Full Effect -Fuck Love

Relaint K - Who I am Hates Who I've been
- let it all out
- i so hate consequences

Rise Against - swing life away


Rammstein - Du Hast

Senses Fail - Angela baker and my obsession with fire

Skeeter Davis - The End Of the World

Slipknot - vermillion

Smile Empty Soul - with this knife

Straylight Run - Existentialism on prom night
- it's everybody's fault but mine
- the tension and the terror
- the perfect ending

sublime - wrong way
- santeria

Taking Back Sunday - Lullaby
- You're So Last Summer

Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply
- Cherry Cola

She Wants Revenge - These Things

Something Corporate - This Broken Heart

Sterogram - Walkie Talkie Man

Tegan and Sara - Where does the good go
- you wouldn't like me
- i know i know i know
- days and days
- speak slow

The Promise Ring - Make Me a Mixtape

The Rocket Summer - Cross my Heart

The Spill Canvas - All Hail The Heartbreaker
- Secret Oath
- so much
- sunsets and carcrashes
- the night will go as follows
- the tide
- this is for keeps
- under the covers

Three Doors Down - Away From The Sun
- Kryptonite
- Let Me Go
- When I'm Gone

Thrice - All That's Left
- Send Me An Angel
- Trust

Throwdown - Baby Got Back
- Together Rising

Tom Petty - Free Falling
- You don't know how it feels

Underoath - A love so pure
- act of depression
- And I Dreamt of You
- Angel Below
- it's dangerous business walking out your front door
- reinventing your exit
- the impact of reasoning
- young and aspiring
- running with the devil

The Pixies - Where Is My Mind

The Streets - You're fit but you know it

Unsung Zeros - Pictures
- Louder Than Words

Wakefield - Another Girl
- fall to pieces
- loser
- say you will
- unsweet sixteen

Weezer - The World has Turned and Left Me Here
- My Best Friend
- We Are All On Drugs

White Snake - I just died in your arms tonight

ZZ Top - La Grange
- Bad to the bone


"Thank you for calling 1-800-SUICIDE

If you wish to self-terminate by electric shock, press 1

For termination by overdose, press 2

If you would like to make a reservation to visit our drowning
pool, please press 3

For termination by hanging, please press 4

For death by selfinflicted gunshot, press 5

To speak to a representative, stay on the line

If you do not wish to die, please hang up now"



-Zeromancer

complex

Another climactic scene from the life of an Elizabeth.

Posted on 2006.07.28 at 21:37
Current Mood: blahblah
I'm back from Florida.. yes.. yes I am.
I've been back since sunday I suppose.
I had a very strange dream last night
which led me to a long hour of thinking
and then finally looking up something
about it. where i found this website.
which is talking about. people in your
dreams. and who they are. and why...
where i found this:

"So that leaves us with several options:

1. People in dreams are figments of our imagination or aspect of ourselves
2. People in dreams are actual real people, and we're meeting or connected on some other plane - astral, whatever
3. People in dreams are both aspects of ourselves AND real people out in the world somewhere.

Or, and this is where it gets fun:

4. People in real life are also aspects of ourselves, or were drawn to them because they match or somehow align with some interior image of ourselves

We could even push this further:

5. Maybe theres really no such thing as an individual self at all, merely clusters of personality fragments/facets which sort of group or constellate together in a variety of unique patterns which we call individuals.

Or we could address the possibilty that:

6. Dreams are more real somehow than waking life. We usually think of them as being related to our waking lives, but maybe its our waking lives that are basically a slow vibration version of our dream lives - instead of vice versa.

One of my all time favorite concepts comes from I think Jungian Marie Louise Von Franz who said that we dream even during the day time, but that were not aware of it. She compared it to the sun and the stars. When were awake, our ego - like the sun - shines so brightly that it obscures these smaller more distant lights. But when we sleep, they come out into the forefront.

In any event, it really is an interesting topic. I lean towards the idea that if not all, then at least some dreams really do consist of interacting with other real people (who are either alive now, were alive at one point, or maybe even might be coming in the future, who knows). Maybe theres some kind of sorting mechanism that puts people together in dreams who then sort of play certain roles for one another, almost like actors in a billion one act plays written by each one of us. That of course opens up the rather bizarre possibility that at times youre merely an actor in somebody elses dream. Certainly feels that way at times during ordinary life, thats for sure.

One other tangent: the sheer numbers of people I interact with in my dreams is really what throws me. If they are all just inventions of my mind, then how in hell is my mind inventing entire people out of thin air who have personalities, histories, bodies, emotions and actions? Its astonishing really if you add up all the people you meet in dreams over your whole life. If my brain can perform feats like that while Im asleep, how do I know its not doing that while Im awake?"

________________________________________
I also got my hair cut and dyed while i was in florida. yes i have pictures.
i always have pictures...
of course photobucket is being gay and im sitting here waiting on the
page to load..
and here they are:


no.. i am anything but cute..


i made that..so what..



really? well i don't find this picture attractive either.. i just wanted to disturb you.



yeah. i like my top too.


and i was all like. yeahwhatever.



look into my eyes. i'm torturing you. it's unbearable.



who has a yellow kitchen!? i mean really?!



that's 104 lbs. mirror pic. right there.. that's what that is..



i think not..



no black eyesadow. be happy.



one friend that saw this said "elizabeth.. i think you need a tan" -_-
i know i know. XD





sepia tone love..

complex

my entertainment for the night.

Posted on 2006.07.13 at 22:16
Current Mood: amusedamused
well i must say this is giving me great laugh.
I love it when i know i'm right. they're wrong.
and that i'm being lied to. I mean it's obvious
when my drunken lying father comes in here
saying "you begged your mom to let nikki come
with you and your mom doesn't want her to
come down there" when at that very moment
i was on the phone with my mom . and i told
my mom that and she said "he's been drinking..
i want nikki to come with you." and i didn't
beg her at all. becuase when i mentioned nikki
going with me she said "yeah i was thinking that
too. she should come"
so FATHER AND TORI. i know what you have
against her. well you know that little advice you
always give me "you'll have to put up with alot of
people you don't like in your lifetime" well i put
up with you two EVERY single day. you need
to learn to take your own fucking advice. All of my
friends there are things about them you wouldn't
approve of.. and you know what. get over it.
i'm 17 years old i can be friends with whoever i
damn well please and you have to put up with it
because i deserve that for all the shit i put up with
from you. Yeah i have friends that are into things
and have done things that aren't accepted. but they're
my friends and i dont hold it against them. and they
don't talk me into anything or force me into anything
and trust me i won't do anything that i don't want
to. get the fuck over it and learn to deal with it. take
your own god damn advice for once and stop being
ignorant.
but i must admit that your drunken efforts to lie are
very amusing and entertaining for me.

I'm leaving for Florida saturday. i'll be gone a week.

complex

I've been negleting something.... livejournal?

Posted on 2006.07.07 at 05:32
Current Mood: excitediwantmypizza
Current Music: the television
Hello. WOAH. I havn't been on here in a long time.
Can't say much has happened. At this point in my
life [summer 06'] My life consists of staying up
until 6-7-8 AM + waking up around 3-4 PM. + Ramen
noodles. + watching tv + internet + seeing Drew
whenever I can [not much lately.. ] + rarely seeing
the few friends that I actually hang out with.
Seeing as how most are out of town|injured|busy.

I think I'm going to change the look of this. I only
did it this way because.. I really don't know.
Since i've last posted my best friend got in a car
accident [but she's ok. got a new car and everything].
I was threatened to get kicked out of the house [just
because someone that lives here doesn't like me]. and
i've been searching for a job [with no luck].I also have
my own air conditioning thing in my room now. it's quite
nifty. I like it. I keep my room extra cold. ^_^
Tomorrow well.. today.. i'm going to Drew's. [and getting
that piece of pizza he saved for me MMMMMM]. and then
hanging out with amanda or jenn.. mhm. probably will be
the busiest day of my summer so far.
I sent someone a fairly important message on myspace and
they never messaged me back. go figure. heheh.

well.. <3!
-Elizabeth







complex

long time..

Posted on 2006.04.19 at 22:29
i dont remember what i last said here.
I know it's been a long time since i've posted.
I guess it's because no one i know actually uses
their livejournal anymore. and becuase my thoughts
have been so scattered i can't write them down anymore.
heh. Life is great right now though. It really is..
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oh. drew and i are back together. have been for a while. bout a month i suppose. break only lasted a month.
he realized he was the one that screwed up. he realized what he did wrong after me telling him a million times. And everything is perfect now. He's being sweeter than ever.
& i've been playing Kingdom Hearts II !


complex

late night ramblings of an unperfect world.

Posted on 2006.02.27 at 02:16
xSpookyAngel: hey
xSpookyAngel: you're up late.
__________: Yeah, always
__________: Ofcourse, we were both up late when we first started talking back in the day
__________: So yano =P
xSpookyAngel: lol.. yeah..
xSpookyAngel: how are you?
__________: Honestly... I was bout to say good
__________: but i'd be lying
__________: I just dunno when the pain ends liz... I really dont
xSpookyAngel: i know how you feel
__________: Shouldn't there be a balance?
__________: Like, you would think after you go through so much shit, things would get better
__________: They're not
xSpookyAngel: i know. my world is slowly going into a downfall just like it did 2 years ago. i even had a dream that the world was falling apart. it was like .. my emotions in a dream . the world sucks . sometimes i wish it really would just fall apart
__________: yeah
__________: like, im already in suffering
__________: might as well watch everyone else die
__________: that way i wont feel so cold and alone
xSpookyAngel: yeah..
xSpookyAngel: i give up on what everyone's looking for. everyone always says "it'll get better" mostly because they want to give themselves hope that life only gets better. it may get better, but it will inevitably fall apart again.
__________: yeah
xSpookyAngel: today would have been drew and i's 1 year 2 month anniversary..
__________: I've already given up on this stupid system, not just the law, but the system of beliefs that makes us think we're going to have this perfect loving romantic life
xSpookyAngel: me too.

complex

i'm back

Posted on 2006.02.08 at 17:30
I realize that I havn't posted a while. i've been busy.
Drew Broke up with me, again. But this time I really don't care.
I have barely cried, and I havn't hurt myself.
I'm glad i'm out. It hurt being with him really and I wanted
to end it. He turned into something that not really anyone likes
anymore, but they just won't admit it to him, I know plenty
of people that don't like him anymore.
And don't blame it on me, all I ever did was love him, and if i
ever got mad it was over things anyone would get mad about.
He decided to never have time for me, replacing me with games
and soccer and some other things.
When I cried he never comforted me, he would stare at me blankly
, tell me he didn't know what to say, and sometimes tell me to
get over it on my own.
He would tell me he would call me, but never did.
He thought it was ok to mess with girls and think it's funny and
then not understand why i would possibly be upset about it, well after
the first time he broke up with me and went to lauren and did all
the things he did with her and came back to me, all my trust for him
was lost, and he never gained that trust back.
He is in the mindset of still wanting to be a kid with no worries,
he can't handle a serious relationship, he said he's more comfortable
alone, he said that last time and he went to her..
I feel like I can't believe a word he says.
He lied to me, he kept things from me.
He always blamed everything on the fact that he "forgets"
A few times i asked him if he even really cared and he said "no."
a few times i asked him if he was sorry for hurting me through some things that were really his fault, he said "no."
He did not appreciate me and he treated me like i was a last resort.
He would tell me to spend time with my friends , then get upset when I did
He thought it was ok to hug random girls and talk to them, but damned if i talked to a guy or hugged one.
He doesn't understand what love is or how to treat a girl in a relationship.
He's only 15, he's spoiled, and he expects gets mad at the littlest things. He expects everyone to be OK with everything he does.
He's just a kid.
i'll always love the kid though.. for the times that he actually was sweet. rarely.
___________________________________
other than that i got my license
i got asked to prom also. by a guy that wants to be with me.
but I dont know. I have tried to be with this person twice
before but it never worked. It might this time, he's changed
in good ways. .. but i would have to go to church with him
a few times or his parents would never accept me.
There is also someone else... that I do miss.
That i've talked to recently.
I miss him.. and he understands everything now.
He sent me a long message on myspace saying he was sorry.



I don't know. Whoever i'm meant to be with, it will happen.
I believe in fate..


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.The only broken-hearted loser you'll ever need.

complex

me for a day? what would you do?

Posted on 2006.01.17 at 23:55
Current Mood: blankblank
Leaf a new Turn: if i could be you for a day... id have alot of fun, cus then i'd have to not be me anymore >.<
__
xSpookyAngel: if you could be me for a day
xSpookyAngel: what would you do
TooCool100: um
TooCool100: i would try to do everything you would do during the day.. so i dont ruin your life
________________

of course. i've been out of it lately. even today drew told me i seem out there.
i dont know. ive just been thinking about everything lately. just laying here.. thinking.
i guess i'm "finding myself" though i already know who myself is.. i guess im really
trying to figure out who drew really is... i dont know anymore..
and now. my favorite song right now for unknown reasons.

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?

In a perfect situation
I let love down the drain.
There's the pitch, slow and straight.
All I have to do is swing
and I'm the hero, but I'm the zero.


Hungry nights, once again
Now it's getting unbelievable.
'Cause I could not have it better,
But I just can't get no play
From the girls, all around
As they search the night for someone to hold onto.
I just pass through...

singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.

Get your hands off the girl,
Can't you see that she belongs to me?
And I don't appreciate this excess company.
Though I can't satisfy all the needs she has
And so she starts to wander...
Can you blame her?

singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.

Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.

Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth.

[solo]

Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhh oh. Ooohhhhhhhhhh.
Singing...
Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

complex
Posted on 2006.01.07 at 16:43
im eating ice cream.
i have my car, but it makes this funny noise when driving it so my dad is fixing it.
I get my lisence in 18 days.

etc.

WHO'S BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
mine

WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
black


WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
E.T. (my initals), Liz (i hate this one) , Lizabeth, "baby" (only drew.)

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR UNDIES RIGHT NOW? pink

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
3 dogs, 3 goats, and a cat.

MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
well. i watch the Labyrinth almost every other day

NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIME?
well. i never have anything on ALL the time.. i have my ring drew gave me on all the time except for when i shower and wash my hands. and now i have the necklace drew gave me on all the time except for when i shower and when i sleep because i dont want to break it because the chain is really thin.. um.. heh i have my skin on me all the time.

WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
Black. bet you never would have guessed huh

WOULD YOU RATHER GIVE OR RECEIVE A FOOT MASSAGE?
Give.. when people try to give me massages it either hurts or feels awkwark.

NAME A TEACHER YOU HAD THE HOTS FOR!
never have

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
well seeing as how i spent alot of it in Fl. i now have.. 55 i think

WHO'S THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
Drew

WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
Bohemian Rhapsody

WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
i was online.

WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY?
"You have 17 minutes left"


2. What is your favorite part of the chicken?
i unno

3. What's your favorite town?
o.O .. none..

5. I can't wait to....?
... hm... get my liscense

6. When was the last time you saw your mom in person?
dec. 28

7. Whats the best insult you've ever heard or said?
i unno


What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
nothing.. i didn't eat.

10. How long have you been at your current job? i have no job


12. What's the last thing you said outloud?
"are you gonna fix the blinker light arrow thingy in my car?"


13. Look to your left. What's there?
my bed.. a wall..

21. Do you have an air freshener in your car?
not yet. i havn't really started driving it yet. but i will.


22. Do you have plants in your room?
if you count a lot of dead roses.

23.If you could drink anything right this second, what would be?
water.. i dont know.. ooooo a lime slushie thing from Sonic!!!

24. Last piece of e-mail opened?
one my mom sent me about my old digital camera

25. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my head kinda

26. What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
never.

27. Last alcoholic drink?
um.....hm..


28. If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave?
well.. to be completely honest with you, there is only one person in this world that i hate.. and yes.. i'm sorry but i would laugh, and i would spit on her. but she does deserve it..


29. Do you own a picture phone?
no. don't really care for one either, i have digital camera for pictures.

32. What's your favorite coffee drink?
i'll get back to you on that

33. Do you exercise as much as you should?
nope.. i don't really need to..

34. Did you do the deed on prom night?
Never been to prom. so no. probably would though. drew and i probably will when we go. but we aren't this year. i'm just being honest.

35. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on you?
I've told drew before, and i mean it, if he EVER cheats on me, i will kill the girl in front of him so he sees how it makes me feel and then torture him to death.. and he believes me. i said "you think im kidding" and he said "no i believe you, you crazy as hell . of course i believe you".. so he wouldn't have a chance for a second chance.


36. Last year for Christmas?
? o.O um.. i think i broke up with my bf at the time.. wasn't sad though.. i dont think i really got anything i wanted though.. got an mp3 player..

37. If I don't like you...
I really don't care, i might just give you a hug and a kiss on the cheek anyway and call you my best friend . just because i know you'd hate it.

38. Recent time you were really upset?
when drew's mom made him get off the phone because it was "too late". it was 11:40 geez.

39. Any ideas for your new years resolution?
i don't know, i guess be more outgoing, for myself, i dont give a damn what other people want me to be, it makes me sick when people are like "do something, dont just sit there, BLAH" i don't care, if i dont wanna bounce around and be a social butterfly like the rest of the world then i wont. I want to just actually want to go places for once, but people don't give me very much motivation to talk more and not want to keep to myself by telling me how quiet i am.

40. Admit something about yourself.
i'd talk more if more people would actually talk to me. As much as you'd like to believe i'm not just some cute pretty little thing there for your entertainment to look at. ::sarcasm::
and i hate using the phone.

complex
Posted on 2005.12.30 at 13:17
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1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
stayed in a relationship over a year, cut my hair really short, got in an AP class.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sadly, last year my resolution i made for this year was to stay with drew the whole year, but gladly, i did :) . I plan for my next resolution to be to stay with him another year, and to get out more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Um.. my brothers gf had a baby..

4. Did anyone close to you die?
um..not that i can remember.. nope..

5. What countries did you visit?
nowhere..

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More friends that actually want to hang out.

7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
fEb. 12 .. why? none of your business why. good day though

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
um.. i made better grades than usual because i could actually pay attention more because i wasn't depressed so much. I've only cried twice at school, And ive been a good girlfriend.

9. What was your biggest failure?
hm... Well. i hate someone for the first time when i said i would never truely hate anyone. but Lauren Hobbs deserves every bad thing that comes her way the stupid slut

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really.. i never really do.. me and drew did get sick those few days though.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Um.. I havn't really bought much.. I guess the $35 shirt i bought for drew.. i never really buy anything for myself..

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Amanda. she's gotten alot better about everything.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Drew.. only when he gets mad though and hits stuff. scary.specially when he has a headache.

14. What did you spend most of your money on?
Other people. Friends and Family. im always buying stuff for other people. never for myself. i bought amanda that BoohBah. i bought drew .. alot of stuff.. skittles that one time, that $35 shirt. i gave him that dark crystal dvd. i gave him lunch money a few times. i bought my mom a $20 candle. i bought my sister $21 worth of stuff and Bath and Body works.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
mostly stuff involving Drew.. I guess when we went to FL , that was pretty great, and my 16th birthday.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Oh.. geez. Beach Boys-"wouldn't it be nice". Trapt- "Echo". Jack Johnson- "Better Together". lots more.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
Well... around this time last year i was extremely happy. that excitement has since faded.. but drew said things are going to get better.. but he always says that..

thinner or fatter?
Thinner

richer or poorer?
richer, most def.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Hanging out with friends, actually going places.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish i had done less of.. doing nothing. I wish i had done less of feeling like always staying at home and hating going places.

20. How did you be spend Christmas?
in FL

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yes, for the first time.

22. How many one-night stands?
Zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Didn't watch much tv

24. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year?
Alicia, ugh i dislike her so much now, but now i dont have to hide how annoying and self pitying she is. and Lauren Hobbs, i absolutely hate that girl and like i told drew, if i EVER see her again i can and will kill her or hurt her severely no matter the consequences. of course this time last year i faintly knew who she was or that she existed.

25. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
um.. i dont know really. i havn't been as into music this year really..

27. What did you want and get?
A cell phone, the dark crystal and the labyrinth dvd's. a good boyfriend.

28. What did you want and not get?
Nothing really.. yeah.. i pretty much got everything i wanted..

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Corpse Bride

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
16, had a party at my house , left and went to a hotel with mom and drew, then the next morning we went to Florida.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Going more places

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Eh, its not what i'd like it to be. I'd wear tripps more and my boots, but the boots hurt my feet and all my tripps are too big and Hot Topic's clothes suck now. so i just stick to jeans and anime or movie shirts or just plain black shirts. but i did discover my favorite Jeans , Tilt at PacSun. the only jeans i wear now.

33. What kept you sane?
The internet (as always), drew, certain friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp, did the voice for the guy in the Corpse bride this year, i liked that.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
nothin really, i dont really pay attention to political stuff

36. Who did you miss?
ROBERT. and kevin and all the freakin people that graduated last school year.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
:( sadly i havn't really made any new friends this year.. Heather but she doesn't count. so.. i dunno. DUSTY yes.. dusty, never talked to him til this year, pretty awesome guy.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005?
Never ask too many questions, there's things that would hurt alot more knowing than not knowing.. then again it could hurt more not knowing.. so you're screwed either way.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I so hate consequesces, runnin from you was with my best defenses, cause i know that i let you down, and i dont wanna deal with that"



And my New Year's Resolutions:
I stated them earlier.. gah
Stay with Drew another year.
Hang out with friends more.
Go more places.
Be more active.
etc.


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